I have been looking for someone to talk with this week because I'm kind of having quite a hard time. But I can't find anyone. Emm...this is my first time to burst out, even though only in WhatsApp. My first time to clearly said 'please leave me alone'. They are not people who are willing to listen to my concern, instead they will say that they have a harder time before. Have you ever thought that every individual's definition of having a hard time is different?
When I try to talk to someone, I usually ended up listening to their ramblings. And I, ended up keeping everything inside of myself, not to add up to their problem. Maybe because it's hard for me to start talking without being asked first. Until at some point, when it feels too much to bear with, my heart starts beating hard...it's painful. This time, it lasts for 3 days. I cried, last 3 days. By myself. I know well that I don't deserve anything good in this life. I wonder, why am I alive? Why don't I have any other choice instead of to keep living?