22 October 2017

Doubt

Assalamualaikum semua.

Dah lama aku tak jenguk blog ni. Walaupun ada banyak perkara yang aku nak share...lain kali la k...kali ni aku nak merapu je.

Nak dijadikan cerita, aku rasa aku sekarang ni punya self-esteem yang sangat low. Bagi yang mengikuti perkembangan aku, mungkin dah kenal aku ni macam mana, dan macam mana aku deal dengan different situations. And one of them is to talk in front of the audience. Masa aku keja di telecentre dulu, aku rilek je bagi talk depan 300++ audience. Tapi, lepas daripada proposal defense hari tu, aku dah tak yakin setiap kali nak membuat pembentangan. That was a traumatic experience for me.

Aku baru lepas hadiri conference sempena  UNIMAS silver jubilee as one of the presenters. Ntah mcm mana la paper aku yg tidak bagus tu boleh dipanggil untuk dibentangkan. Itu satu misteri. So, as expected, i was not as ethusiastic to present the paper. Dengan trauma dari PD, ditambah tiada motivasi dan tak yakin dengan paper tu, aku present like it's not so important. Supervisor aku tanya kwn2 aku sama ada diorg dah ready tak untuk presentation paper masing2. Tapi dia langsung tak tanya aku. Don't get me wrong. I trust my supervisor's decision to let me be independent. But dalam keadaan mental aku yang penuh dgn doubt about myself & my work, aku rasa being independent buat aku makin hilang arah, buat aku tertanya-tanya sama ada aku buat benda yang betul...either my SV trust me, or he's not actually interested in my topic. All those thoughts actually lead me to think that i chose the wrong topic and that my research is not worthy. Yea, suma ni cuma mainan minda. Tapi aku betul2 down.

Aku ni lepas kerja 2 tahun setengah baru sambung study...of course aku expect ada banyak hurdles yg perlu aku hadapi. Tapi semuanya OK saja. Sbb tu aku doubt my progress. Am I really doing okay?

Btw, masa conference tu, i didn't manage to answer the questions properly. I regret that. So, i want to answer all those questions here.

1. What did i meant by 'rural area'?

I didn't expect to be asked this. In my research context, the rural area is the underserved area located around at least 30 minutes from the town. However, the sample population i'm going to study are the villages that has been provided with ICT facilities (telecentre & internet access) by the government.

2. Why did i chose kuching and samarahan which mostly already has the facilities?

1stly, I intentionally doing my study in the area with facilities. If i conduct the research in the area which has no facilities, then i might not be able to identify the reason for internet resistance, coz they have no facilities. Then how can they adopt the technology? The reason would definitely be lack of facility then. Instead, if i did my research in the area with facility, they are many information i can get, including to assess the effectiveness of the intervention itself. I can see the geographical disparities in internet adoption... how their economic activies shape their interest in using internet, and how the intervention help in socioeconomic developement. In addition, moving towards digital economy, the government will provide internet access and improve telecommunication services in the other rural areas. So, it's very important to know the problem now to improve the intervention, therefore it would be impactful from the beginning.

3. When I talk about economic development, is it about e-commerce/e-marketing?

Yea, that was part of it. Mainly, the economic development here is depending on the economic activities of the rural community...which is mostly agricultural activities. Of course, e-marketing is part of it, especially on the marketing of the local product, which would give a great impact on the economic development in these rural areas. Besides that, i'm also looking at the impact of internet on employment and income.

4. Did i really find the negative impact of internet?

The impact of internet adoption is depending on how they use the internet. Based on my observation and literature, as well as interviews with some community members, there are positive & negative impact of it.

A. Education
The internet give a positive impact to the learning behaviour and academic performance through e-learning. But, the overusage of internet by the student on games or other entertainment give a negative impact in their academic performance. This is part of how some parents see telecentre in a negative way.

B. Economic.
There is no negative impact in the economic perspective of the local community.

C. Healthcare
Positive impact: information-seeking (KKM fb)
Negative impact: wrong information-seeking. Looking for 'petua2' that was not confirmed to be right. Rely on information from internet or google to look for a cure instead of going to the clinic.

They are just a few negative cases. Most of the rural people trust clinical treatment more and know that the information from the internet is unreliable when it comes to healthcare.

D. Social
Positive: youth community (gather youth with same interest to find a way to be productive using their interest, such as busking, videography, photography, business & etc., communication, social relation, etc.
Negative: too much exposure to other culture which influence the younger generation. Eg: pornography, drugs & violence.

The negative social impact of internet were mostly commented by the older generation.


That's it. Except for the 1st question, the answer for the other 3 was in my mind during the presentation. But somehow, i cannot say it out. I just want to get my session done with. Prof. N's comments during my PD keeps on rewinding in my head.

I would like to apologize to everyone who was there during my presentation.

I am going to remember my failure, always. So that i keep on improving myself. I must. But somehow i don't see myself improving. Will i be okay?

29 June 2017

M Soc. Sc. Journey

Study plan for 2nd year (Final year)

Tetibe je study plan utk 2nd year...1st year dulu x buat pun. Teehee..

Sem 3 2016/2017
1. Data analysis for 1st data collection - Pilot test done!
2. Improve my research instrument.
3. Getting myself familiar with the reporting template and prepare the template for data analysis report for my thesis writing later on.
4. 2nd data collection. (Actual data collection) -Harap2 ekonomi stabil la untuk tujuan ini. Maklumlah pembiayaan sendiri. Doakan agar dipermudahkan urusan saya ye.
5. Data analysis for 2nd data collection.

Sem 1 2017/2018
1. Journal article writing & submission. (Saya masih x pasti macam mana nak buat artikel ni sebenarnya..maybe sebab i think too much.)
2. Report writing.
3. Thesis writing.

Sem 2 2017/2018
1. Thesis writing & submission.

I know that i'll stuck at thesis writing later on, but i'll do my best to get it right from the beginning, or maybe to minimize the error.

*****

While i am at it, i would like to share my opinion about pursuing master degree for those who plan to.

This is just my opinion.

Doing master by coursework is a better choice instead of doing master by research. Coursework offers a wide range of knowledge in your field and it's very useful for your career development. In contrast, in master by research mode, you're only required to do research and publish your journal article. You don't have classes and you manage your own study/ research. You need to discipline yourself as you have no attendance to fulfilled, no assisgnment, but only your research. For those who don't think you can discipline yourself, don't ever think of doing master by research. Or else, it'll take forever for you to finish your study. (I am doing research mode...i'm not disciplined, but i have this weird nature where i'll cry hard when i do not achieve my target. I'll have regret & i'll be feeling that i'm useless n feel really bad. That's why i push myself hard. Always. For me, crying because life is hard is better than crying because of regret.)

The process of doing master by coursework is the same as doing your undegraduate studies. So, for those who are unprepared to encounter changes in your life, master by coursework would be an ideal choice for you. The probability to extend your study is low as you only need to follow your class schedule and do your assignment and examination. On the other hand, extending your study is very common for research student. You prepare your schedule yourself, for your progress (gant chart) and to meet your supervisor. Since you don't have a fixed schedule, please do not think that it's relaxing. You need to communicate as much as possible with your supervisor, to make sure that you're doing the right thing. (Yea...don't be like me. 😅😂)

You really shouldn't waste any of your time. And i shoudn't be using my writing mood here, but for my journal article writing. 😅

As for me, the reason I took master by research  was simply because of the lower fees as compared to master by coursework. I took the risk, huh. I managed to save just enough money for research mode fees, so money is one of the challenges I face during my study. However, for research student, you will need money for data collection and to publish paper. And at the end of your study, to print your thesis. It would be good if you get research grant/ scholarship/ any financial aid. I have been struggling about this matter since I am currently in the phase of data collection. There is NO MyBrain15 for my intake, so, u really need to save up money for your study. (Only for art & humanities courses. MyBrainSc is still alive.) MONEY is my main challenge up to now. N money is the only reason for me to regret my decision to further my study, sometimes. Only when it's hard, though.

So, that's all for now.

26 June 2017

Social Networking: Social Relationship

Assalamualaikum.
Hello world!

This is in corresponding with my post in 2009, 'Social Networking'. Again, i'm going to discuss about social media and social relationship.

Everyone knows that social media can be a good thing and also a bad thing, depending on the way we use it. In fact, there are positive and negative aspects in almost everything. For instance, drugs can be a cure, but the misuse of it can bring a disaster. That's quite a simple example.

Getting used of communicating through social media makes people take the importance of talking with people for granted. We started to express our feeling in social media, instead of talking. One thing about reading messages that differ from listening to it is that we can get the expression wrongly, thus lead to misunderstanding and that's usually how relationship turns bitter. "That's the use of smileys", some of you might think so. (Please, don't be stubborn)

As we rely more on social media, we forget about the essence of talking, and the reason of communicating. There's no other comunication medium that can be as accurate as talking. So, talk more, and do not rely too much on social media, especially in personal relationship. Listen to each other and do not complicate things through reading each other's expression.

So, that's all for now.


Eid mubarak to all.



******

Prolog


"Oh~my girl!" Sapa irfan sambil mendepakan  kedua tangannya.

"Ouch!" Tak sedar kaki Isfa singgah ke kakinya.
Orang ramai di sekeliling memerhati gelagat mereka.

"Buat apa sini?" Soal Isfa.

"Ouch. That's hurts. I just returned kot.. Jom lunch. I miss u." Ajak irfan bersahaja.

"So he said. Bos, saya lunch dengan dia. I have an important lesson to teach this guy." Isfa membunyikan jari-jarinya sambil menjeling ke arah irfan.

"Huh..it's ok, sir. I just lost my appetite. Take her with u." Lalu berjalan menuju ke kereta.

"Sorry, sir. I got to go."

Isfa melajukan langkah, mengejar irfan. Beg tangannya dilibas ke lengan irfan.

"Adoi!"