20 May 2018


With all the better mediums like facebook, twitter, instagram, which has better visibility, some wonders why am i sticking to blogging. It's simple. There are only 2 types of people who read my blog.
1. Those who are interested in knowing about what has been going on in my life.
2. Random people.

Done answering question. So, here's my thought nowadays.

Some people around me called me an optimist. Some others said i am too kind. And also some called me a weirdo. None of that right. I am just me.

When it seems too easy for me to say "i'm at fault or i'm sorry.", some said or maybe mad at me, "why are YOU sorry? How come it's so easy for you to say sorry when u're the least to blame?".

Hmm...blame, huh.

When things go wrong in our lives, it's easier to find someone/something else to blame instead of finding what went wrong in our actions or decisions. But guess what, everything that happen in our lives, depends on our own decision that leads to it. We hardly admit it. Unexpected things happen, yea, unexpectedly, but as long as we know that the most important thing is only all that matters, we'll survive. Strong belief will save us. In islam, it's called iman. Whatever it's called, it's something that we need in our heart and mind. Don't just fill ur heart with love, or hatred, and ur mind with greed or ambition, unless u want to be blinded by it. Our religion guide us well enough, not by only part of it, but by all of it. That's usually how we can stay cool at all time. Not me.,though.

For me, for all those chaos (conflicts, as described by most people), i just wanted a stop to them. That's always the case. You keep on with those 'blame games', there's no ending to it. In the end, the relationship becomes sour, and everyone start going through it just end it, or wrap everything up and start a new thing with different people.

Maybe that's why i am called a weirdo. It doesn't matter, though. By stopping them, (in my own 'weird' way), there'll be less arguments, less wasted time, and less to deal with. Smart, don't u think? Life is short to be wasted on meaningless things.

How am I doing nowadays?

Still studying and trying to be something or at least finding something that i want to do or to be but stil, nothing. I am still nothing.

My study?

My next presentation has been scheduled for this Wednesday, the Research Methodology presentation, which is supposed to be done before the proposal defense. In my case, there were changes here and there in the system, and, here i am, one of the victims of bureaucracy. It's not a big deal, though. For UNIMAS Master Degree by Research, we need to do 3 presentations and of course submit 1 dissertation of our theses, apart from the progress reports we need to submit every semester. 

Chronologically, we have to attend two-days Research Methodology courses in our 1st semester, then do the RM presentation to make sure that we understand research methodology. It plays a big role in determining the quality of our researches, after all. Then, within 6 months after registration, we have to get done with our proposal defense. This will determine the significance of our research, whether it's worthy or not, in a sense of filling the gap between the previous researches. After that, get our researches done, submit our theses, and wait for viva, the big wall that we need to climb before getting our degree. 

The only thing I can comment about the journey, 'I'm doing my best, as always.'

30 January 2018


In Harun Yahya's Quick Grasp of Faith 3,

66. Do such concepts as impatience and despair have a place in a believer’s life? 

Allah advises the faithful to be patient in times of difficulty, as follows:

O You who believe. Be steadfast, be supreme in steadfastness, be firm on the battlefield, and heed Allah so that hopefully you will be successful. (Surah Al `Imran, 200)

Allah advises believers to be steadfast when they face hardship. The believers use their intellect, as well as all material and spiritual means, and do their utmost to overcome  difficulties. In addition, knowing that hardships are special conditions that Allah creates to test them and that there is an absolute good hidden behind these events, they trust Allah,  for this is essential to their continued steadfastness. The believers’ explicit trust that Allah creates every event with absolute wisdom, and that He will remove these difficulties by answering their prayers, prevents them from experiencing despair, hopelessness, and similar negative feelings.

In "Say: ‘My servants, you who have transgressed against yourselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Truly Allah forgives all wrong actions. He is the Ever-Forgiving, the Most Merciful,’" (Surat az-Zumar, 53) Allah commands the believers not to despair of His mercy, no matter what happens.


At the age of 28, I still haven't secure a decent job. My life doesn't seems like it move forward since the day I graduated. So, I decided to further my study after 1 year doing carpentering job with my brother, and 1 and a half year working for my community. Unfortunately, as I started my postgraduate studies, the government did not give any sponsorship anymore for my field of study. It might seems like I do not have any problem with it, but actually, I have been struggling. Research expenses is not little. Plus, the fees. Having been through this, I occasionally lose my motivation. I thought about quitting so many times. In the environment where people mostly think about themselves, doesn't bother caring about others, I do think that life is unfair, sometimes. But then, in my heart, I know well that life is short to waste on grievance. I still believe that Allah has better plan for His servant.

Getting impatient and despair are not wrong. What makes it wrong is that we keep on living with those feeling. Without trying to get out from those situation.

Allah beri kita apa yang kita perlukan untuk hidup sebaiknya dan peringatan yang berterusan. Sesetengah orang dilimpahi dengan kekayaan, bersama kekurangan dalam hidup, seperti hidup berjauhan dari suami, belum diberikan zuriat, dan sebagainya. Kenapa? Allah beri sesuatu untuk kita bersyukur...dan dilambatkan sesuatu nikmat, untuk kita terus berdoa dan tidak lupa pada-Nya. Cuba saja Allah berikan segala kehendak kita, tidak mustahil kita lupa pada Allah, lalu lalai dan leka dengan dunia. Hasilnya, kebahagiaan yang kita hadapi di dunia menjadi punca kecelakaan kehidupan di akhirat.

 نعوذ بالله من ذلك.

Makanya, jangan berputus asa atas sesuatu yang belum kita kecapi, kerana Allah punya perancangan yang baik untuk kita. Aku menghadapi banyak kegagalan dalam hidup..dan di sepanjang perjalanan inilah aku mendidik rasa percaya kepada aturan Allah dan berfikiran positif. Setiap kali gagal atau bersedih, aku selalu pujuk diri sendiri, "mungkin usaha dan doa aku masih kurang, atau mungkin aku masih meragui rezeki Allah."

Dalam setiap langkah perjalanan kita di bumi Allah ini, Dia sertakan sebab untuk kita bersyukur dan berdoa memohon pertolongan-Nya.

Sekali lagi...

Satu pengharapan yang tidak pernah putus tu hanya dapat diraih jika disandarkan kepada YANG TIDAK MATI.


Lala, 00:17, 29012018

04 January 2018


Happy New Year, everyone...

Hidup ni kena percaya pada Qada' dan Qadar Allah. Tak la stress2 hidup tak tenang. Percaya kepada Qada' dan Qadar Allah tu merupakan Rukun iman yang ke-6. Tengok, nice kan ajaran Islam. Kalau kita ikut, insyaAllah, kita boleh merasa nikmat kebahagiaan.

Beriman atau percaya kepada qada dan qadar itu bermaksud percaya dengan sepenuh hati bahawa Allah telah menentukan segala sesuatu yang akan terjadi untuk mahluknya (qada dan qadar).

Setiap manusia telah diciptakan dengan ketentuan sejak azali lagi. Takdir ni ada 2 jenis, iaitu;

1.Takdir Muallaq

Takdir muallaq yaitu takdir yang masih dapat diubah dengan usaha atau ikhtiar. Contohnya, kalau nak berjaya, kena berusaha, nak kaya, kena bekerja. Dan juga jodoh pun perlu diusahakan. Allah takkan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum itu sehingga mereka mau mengubah nasib mereka sendiri. (Ar-Ra'd: 11)

2. Takdir Mubran

Takdir mubran yaitu takdir yang tidak dapat diubah. Contohnya, MATI. Syarat mati itu bukan sakit, tapi hidup.
Dengan beriman/ percaya kepada Qada' dan Qadar, kita akan lebih bersyukur kepada Allah, menjadi lebih dekat kepada-Nya, dan turut menjadikan kita orang yang sentiasa berusaha dan tidak berputus asa. Selain tu, kita akan mendapat ketenangan, jauh dari sifat sombong, dan sentiasa bersabar dan bertawakkal lepada Allah.


Misc: Epilog Q

Ya. Sebelum ni aku pernah betul-betul suka dekat sorang insan bernama Wafdan. For many years. Suami aku ni adalah cinta keduaku, dan insyaAllah yg terakhir buatku.

Wafdan. Aku suka dia sejak di bangku sekolah, tapi aku mulai sedar yang aku betul2 serius mencintainya semasa aku buat degree. Kalau ditanya kenapa aku suka dia, aku pun tak tau. Nak kata hensem, sejujurnya, suami aku ni lagi hensem. Tambah comel dengan lesung pipit di pipi. Nak kata sebab dia sweet, memang tak la. Orang kata, cinta itu datang tiba-tiba. Unexpectedly, towards unexpected someone. Dan masa tu, Wafdan bagiku. Perasaanku tak pernah goyah. Ada saja jejaka yang ingin berkenalan dengan aku, tapi aku punya setia tu, sangatlah tak bertempat. Nak kata aku 'in a relationship dengan Wafdan', tak juga. Sehinggalah Shu@Lutfi jumpa ibu dan ayahku. Masa tu, aku tak boleh nak reject senang2. Aku sedar, perasaan bukan lagi sekadar saluran kebahagiaan, tapi dokumentari kehidupan.

Masa aku terima suami aku ni pun, perasaanku pada Wafdan masih bersisa. It has been years after all. Orang kata, kalau kita keep on doing certain things tu, boleh jadi habit. Mungkin itu yang terjadi padaku. Hatiku dah terbiasa mencintainya. Sehinggalah aku baca diari suamiku hari tu. Member aku pernah cakap, to be with someone who really loves you is better than being with someone you love. Dan untuk aku, that someone adalah my Mr. Right, Shu@Lutfi.

I love you, Shu. May Allah bless our marriage, till jannah. InsyaAllah.

#misc #epilogQ