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31 May 2023

Life - Repeat

Aku berdiri teguh di pentas dunia 
Jalani sketsa hidup didasari rasa percaya 
Terkadang menahan pedih gurisan tindak manusia
Terus mencari kemanisan dalam pahitnya rasa 

~intishar, 300523 

****** 

Life is all about choices and consequences. 

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." -Albert Einstein

The older we get, the harder it is to keep up with life's changes. As time passes, life becomes more challenging. We stumble upon things (some might come as a surprise), and we have to decide how to act on them. 

When starting something new or when changes happen in our professional life, it is normal to struggle in the beginning. Embrace the change, and take the challenge. One day, we will realize that all of what we achieve through the experience are mainly due to our commitment to our self-development. Because without commitment, we would never be able to normalize the new life, and you will never be able to feel proud of your achievement. 

One of the quotes that kept me moving forward when my life was too hectic with work+study+social life that I wish time could be paused: 

"If you give up, it's over. But if you don't give up, the day will come when you'll be glad that you didn't give up."

The simple way of thinking about it is that there is no such thing as useless, invaluable, or unbeneficial knowledge. Knowledge is power. I'm sure no one can deny it. And only those with a good attitude towards knowledge can enjoy the wisdom behind it.

If we can’t see far to the future, we could focus on the present. Live our present life to the fullest. Learn something new. Improve ourselves. Make every day our best day! Be someone we can be proud of. I am proud of myself today because I completed another task. I am proud of myself today because I solved a problem. I am proud of myself today because I helped people. I am tired, but it is worth it!

Enjoy every little accomplishment we achieve every day.

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym. 

When challenges knock on our door, we only have 2 choices. Open the door and FACE IT - we get to be stronger, explore new things, develop ourselves. Or AVOID IT, and stay where we are, and we never know what's behind that door. When we see the bright side of everything that happens in our lives, challenges will never be a bad thing. 

Appreciate every second in our lives, and never waste it because every moment happens only once. No rewind button, no pause button.

You are the author of your life story!

“To achieve something, instead of waiting for good fortune or talent, one should put in endless efforts and must go through hardships. It ain’t over ’til it’s over.” -Yogi Berra, 1973-

“For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.” (94:5-6)

May every day be our best day! 

 


11 January 2023

My 2022 - Stepping into 2023



2022 was a year when changes happened drastically my life. I encountered and experienced many new things. Working in an unfamiliar place with new people and started getting into an unfamiliar role. I left a job and got into a new role. 

Academia 

I became an academician. I had my first group of students. I wrote a paper and started writing a book on HR Analytics. I delivered HR training. I developed 2 web applications. I developed an Excel Analytics training module from basic to advanced level. I created an HR dashboard integrating 14 key HR metrics. 

My research grant application was successful. And I had a hard time working on it as I came to hate research. But it is my responsibility. That changed feeling about research made me feel devastated and down. Some people know what research used to mean to me. And since 2022, research has become a burden and not fun anymore. None of my team members know that I am pushing myself through and through for this project. (unless they found this)

I had a tough time in my new workplace. Not knowing my role and identity and miscommunications occurred that put me in a corner. And I started to feel like my 2019-2021 repeats again. But my father's words always get me back on my feet. 'the most important thing is only all that matters.' 

The moments that bind us to our decisions are not in how often we get lost in contemplation; neither are they in the kind of heart that we can commit to that something rather are in that first step that we initiate to get things done.
- Tendai Kasusu 

*** no-context writing
In my opinion, in any organisation, there should not be any role that's considered more significant than the others. So, no one in the organisation has the right to think that they are the most important people in the organisation. Let's take an analogy. If we believe that a car engine is more important than the other parts of a car, what's the point of the engine without the other parts? It cannot serve its purpose at all. What's the point of having an engine without a mechanism to start it? What's the point of starting the engine when it cannot do anything by itself? 

That is what an organisation is. Everyone has a significant role and workload. 


Non-working time 

In 2022, I hung out more with my family and friends. 

We went to Sibu, Mukah, and Miri to visit mom's siblings. I drove from Kuching-Miri-Kuching.  

I went camping and glamping with Shikin. I had lunch with Aimi. I played badminton with Shikin for a short while and took a break from it when my health worsened. I got better now, anyway.

I was infected with covid-19 once. 
My anemia worsened, and I started wearing that colored lip balm because people always said I looked pale. I diligently started my treatment again, and my condition improved significantly. I guess I still keep doing my best in everything.


Q3: An impactful professional journey

I had a great experience working in Q3. I experienced a downfall in my previous workplace. I had anxiety and was stressed out.

And Q3 healed me. Q3 helped me rebuild my self-esteem.  It was very comfortable working in a place where people don't know who I am and a place that values difference—no burdensome expectations. I am different; I have to admit it. I am uncomfortable with people, but my job was all about dealing with people who are our beneficiaries and stakeholders. It took me a lot of courage and effort to socialize. But my bosses were very understanding. Every time I needed to ask something from the stakeholders or delegate tasks to my colleagues, I thought very carefully about it. Will they be okay to do this? Am I being fair in delegating tasks? Am I making things hard for them? Is it ok to ask for this and that from them? Hence, my bosses sometimes had to intervene. Either my bosses were patient with me, or they had no choice. I'm not sure. But I really like my bosses. I will always be grateful to them.

When it comes to talent development, I believe that we should not limit one's capacity. Instead of seeing the limit to one's capacity, we should focus on the broad opportunity for growth since, by default, the opportunity for growth is always wider than one's current ability. In that sense, Q3's environment was somehow aligned with my belief. My experience in Q3 made me realize that the amount of knowledge we can learn is not necessarily relative to the amount of time we spent with the organisation / person. 

I don't regret my decision to leave, as it was for unavoidable and honorable reasons. I take it as a journey Allah set for me. I am grateful for that. I still miss my ex-bosses and colleagues there. And I miss that window where I screamed people's names for making things hard for me. 😂

Through this one fateful meeting
I learn to cherish each and every encounter

Even if the seasons change
Even if the times start to change
Even if the doors of the future have opened
We will move forward without changing

Thank you, Q3. It has been a great adventure. I've learned a lot.


Welcome, 33.

When job offers come to us without sending a job application, we are exposed to the risk of wanting to leave whenever things become hard at work. And it is obviously not good. I wish ayah is here to listen to my concerns and struggles. I miss ayah.

My current boss has been telling me to express myself more when I have been doing so. Usually, I won't talk at all. But nowadays, I express my frustration and disappointment to others. 


02 February 2022

My 2021


Part 1: A void

I still enjoy studying. However, the more I studied, the more I became overwhelmed with the emptiness that I started to feel ever since ayah left. Ayah was a big supporter of my study journey. Once, he visited me in UNIMAS and told me to keep studying until I become tired of it because I am the only one of my siblings who enjoy studying. He used to sit beside me when I was studying. Sometimes, he bought some Coke & snacks for me. 

Whenever I'm experiencing something interesting in my life, I miss ayah and the 'ayah, tauk x yah...' sessions I had with him. I don't talk much, so he used to look forward to my 'tauk x yahh..'. I talked about my workshops, I talked about the people I met during my field trip, the boar, the river, the foods I ate, the longhouses, the road, ferry, dolphin, my friends, and many other things. 


Part 2: Dream?

The thing about doing research study is you get to learn from experts in the field, get some constructive criticism, open your mind to new ideas and limitless knowledge, and develop your research and analytical mind. And yes, I want to grow more as a researcher, but I don't want to teach. That's why I hardly find a suitable place for me. Because willingness and desire to be an excellent social & management researcher, have always been associated with the teaching profession. But I'm pretty sure that I am not good at teaching. I wonder, will I ever find my place someday?


Part 3: Change

I always believe that I'm the kind of person who just follows the flow in life. When I'm no longer appreciated, I leave. When I see a better opportunity to explore the world more, I take up the challenge. When I am not confident about being the kind of person people expect me to be, I run away from them before I become a disappointment. But maybe, all this while, I've been the one who creates the path for my life to flow. 

I relocated to Selangor for my new job in November 2021. I wouldn't say that this is my 1st time working far from my family because I think I go home more frequently now as compared to when I was working in UNIMAS.

Being in an unfamiliar place, it took a while for me to adapt, especially to the environment and culture. My life here has been only about my apartment and workplace. And these two are in the same building. I still can't get used to the people around me. 😅

2021 is a year of change for me. I made a big decision for myself. I left a stable job. I published a research article for fun (not because of requirement), I unintentionally became a data scientist, I relocated and started to live alone. 

Last but not least, there shouldn't be a difference between what we work for and what we live for. Both of them should lead to the same conclusion.

2021 was a year when I finally learned to align my beliefs with my motivation and dream.


***

Being Wise

Wisdom doesn't always need to be relative to academic qualification or status in society.

My parents show us that being wise doesn't need academic certification, position in society or money. Instead, all it needs is the ability to see the good in others and know what matters the most. 

Ayah showed us that sometimes we don't have to fight to prove that we're right. There are meaningless fights in life. It is just a matter of perspectives. There might be fights that we lose or ignore, but by doing that, we are winning. Arguments should be made to understand, not to show that we're right or to force our ideas onto others. I don't accept other people ideas blindly without asking and having arguments. That's how we understand each other, learn new things, and grow. So, do argue with an intention to understand, not to contradict. 

***

'The world changes drastically overnight. Those who can stand up to it are professionals with the right skills.'

I read this somewhere. Not sure where.

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