13 April 2018

Silent Pain

Hi everyone.

I have been looking for someone to talk with this week because I'm kind of having quite a hard time. But I can't find anyone. Emm...this is my first time to burst out, even though only in WhatsApp. My first time to clearly said 'please leave me alone'. They are not people who are willing to listen to my concern, instead they will say that they have a harder time before. Have you ever thought that every individual's definition of having a hard time is different?

When I try to talk to someone, I usually ended up listening to their ramblings. And I, ended up keeping everything inside of myself, not to add up to their problem. Maybe because it's hard for me to start talking without being asked first. Until at some point, when it feels too much to bear with, my heart starts beating hard...it's painful. This time, it lasts for 3 days. I cried, last 3 days. By myself. I know well that I don't deserve anything good in this life. I wonder, why am I alive? Why don't I have any other choice instead of to keep living?

30 January 2018

Impatience

In Harun Yahya's Quick Grasp of Faith 3,

66. Do such concepts as impatience and despair have a place in a believer’s life? 

Allah advises the faithful to be patient in times of difficulty, as follows:

O You who believe. Be steadfast, be supreme in steadfastness, be firm on the battlefield, and heed Allah so that hopefully you will be successful. (Surah Al `Imran, 200)

Allah advises believers to be steadfast when they face hardship. The believers use their intellect, as well as all material and spiritual means, and do their utmost to overcome  difficulties. In addition, knowing that hardships are special conditions that Allah creates to test them and that there is an absolute good hidden behind these events, they trust Allah,  for this is essential to their continued steadfastness. The believers’ explicit trust that Allah creates every event with absolute wisdom, and that He will remove these difficulties by answering their prayers, prevents them from experiencing despair, hopelessness, and similar negative feelings.

In "Say: ‘My servants, you who have transgressed against yourselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Truly Allah forgives all wrong actions. He is the Ever-Forgiving, the Most Merciful,’" (Surat az-Zumar, 53) Allah commands the believers not to despair of His mercy, no matter what happens.


*****

At the age of 28, I still haven't secure a decent job. My life doesn't seems like it move forward since the day I graduated. So, I decided to further my study after 1 year doing carpentering job with my brother, and 1 and a half year working for my community. Unfortunately, as I started my postgraduate studies, the government did not give any sponsorship anymore for my field of study. It might seems like I do not have any problem with it, but actually, I have been struggling. Research expenses is not little. Plus, the fees. Having been through this, I occasionally lose my motivation. I thought about quitting so many times. In the environment where people mostly think about themselves, doesn't bother caring about others, I do think that life is unfair, sometimes. But then, in my heart, I know well that life is short to waste on grievance. I still believe that Allah has better plan for His servant.

Getting impatient and despair are not wrong. What makes it wrong is that we keep on living with those feeling. Without trying to get out from those situation.

Allah beri kita apa yang kita perlukan untuk hidup sebaiknya dan peringatan yang berterusan. Sesetengah orang dilimpahi dengan kekayaan, bersama kekurangan dalam hidup, seperti hidup berjauhan dari suami, belum diberikan zuriat, dan sebagainya. Kenapa? Allah beri sesuatu untuk kita bersyukur...dan dilambatkan sesuatu nikmat, untuk kita terus berdoa dan tidak lupa pada-Nya. Cuba saja Allah berikan segala kehendak kita, tidak mustahil kita lupa pada Allah, lalu lalai dan leka dengan dunia. Hasilnya, kebahagiaan yang kita hadapi di dunia menjadi punca kecelakaan kehidupan di akhirat.

 نعوذ بالله من ذلك.

Makanya, jangan berputus asa atas sesuatu yang belum kita kecapi, kerana Allah punya perancangan yang baik untuk kita. Aku menghadapi banyak kegagalan dalam hidup..dan di sepanjang perjalanan inilah aku mendidik rasa percaya kepada aturan Allah dan berfikiran positif. Setiap kali gagal atau bersedih, aku selalu pujuk diri sendiri, "mungkin usaha dan doa aku masih kurang, atau mungkin aku masih meragui rezeki Allah."

Dalam setiap langkah perjalanan kita di bumi Allah ini, Dia sertakan sebab untuk kita bersyukur dan berdoa memohon pertolongan-Nya.

Sekali lagi...

Satu pengharapan yang tidak pernah putus tu hanya dapat diraih jika disandarkan kepada YANG TIDAK MATI.


Wallahua'lam.

Lala, 00:17, 29012018

04 January 2018

Takdir

Happy New Year, everyone...


Hidup ni kena percaya pada Qada' dan Qadar Allah. Tak la stress2 hidup tak tenang. Percaya kepada Qada' dan Qadar Allah tu merupakan Rukun iman yang ke-6. Tengok, nice kan ajaran Islam. Kalau kita ikut, insyaAllah, kita boleh merasa nikmat kebahagiaan.


Beriman atau percaya kepada qada dan qadar itu bermaksud percaya dengan sepenuh hati bahawa Allah telah menentukan segala sesuatu yang akan terjadi untuk mahluknya (qada dan qadar).


Setiap manusia telah diciptakan dengan ketentuan sejak azali lagi. Takdir ni ada 2 jenis, iaitu;


1.Takdir Muallaq


Takdir muallaq yaitu takdir yang masih dapat diubah dengan usaha atau ikhtiar. Contohnya, kalau nak berjaya, kena berusaha, nak kaya, kena bekerja. Dan juga jodoh pun perlu diusahakan. Allah takkan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum itu sehingga mereka mau mengubah nasib mereka sendiri. (Ar-Ra'd: 11)


2. Takdir Mubran


Takdir mubran yaitu takdir yang tidak dapat diubah. Contohnya, MATI. Syarat mati itu bukan sakit, tapi hidup.
Dengan beriman/ percaya kepada Qada' dan Qadar, kita akan lebih bersyukur kepada Allah, menjadi lebih dekat kepada-Nya, dan turut menjadikan kita orang yang sentiasa berusaha dan tidak berputus asa. Selain tu, kita akan mendapat ketenangan, jauh dari sifat sombong, dan sentiasa bersabar dan bertawakkal lepada Allah.



**********


Misc: Epilog Q


Ya. Sebelum ni aku pernah betul-betul suka dekat sorang insan bernama Wafdan. For many years. Suami aku ni adalah cinta keduaku, dan insyaAllah yg terakhir buatku.


Wafdan. Aku suka dia sejak di bangku sekolah, tapi aku mulai sedar yang aku betul2 serius mencintainya semasa aku buat degree. Kalau ditanya kenapa aku suka dia, aku pun tak tau. Nak kata hensem, sejujurnya, suami aku ni lagi hensem. Tambah comel dengan lesung pipit di pipi. Nak kata sebab dia sweet, memang tak la. Orang kata, cinta itu datang tiba-tiba. Unexpectedly, towards unexpected someone. Dan masa tu, Wafdan bagiku. Perasaanku tak pernah goyah. Ada saja jejaka yang ingin berkenalan dengan aku, tapi aku punya setia tu, sangatlah tak bertempat. Nak kata aku 'in a relationship dengan Wafdan', tak juga. Sehinggalah Shu@Lutfi jumpa ibu dan ayahku. Masa tu, aku tak boleh nak reject senang2. Aku sedar, perasaan bukan lagi sekadar saluran kebahagiaan, tapi dokumentari kehidupan.


Masa aku terima suami aku ni pun, perasaanku pada Wafdan masih bersisa. It has been years after all. Orang kata, kalau kita keep on doing certain things tu, boleh jadi habit. Mungkin itu yang terjadi padaku. Hatiku dah terbiasa mencintainya. Sehinggalah aku baca diari suamiku hari tu. Member aku pernah cakap, to be with someone who really loves you is better than being with someone you love. Dan untuk aku, that someone adalah my Mr. Right, Shu@Lutfi.


I love you, Shu. May Allah bless our marriage, till jannah. InsyaAllah.



#misc #epilogQ