My 2022 - Stepping into 2023

2022 was a year when changes happened drastically my life. I encountered and experienced many new things. Working in an unfamiliar place with new people and started getting into an unfamiliar role. I left a job and got into a new role. 

Academia 

I became an academician. I had my first group of students. I wrote a paper and started writing a book on HR Analytics. I delivered HR training. I developed 2 web applications. I developed an Excel Analytics training module from basic to advanced level. I created an HR dashboard integrating 14 key HR metrics. 

My research grant application was successful. And I had a hard time working on it as I came to hate research. But it is my responsibility. That changed feeling about research made me feel devastated and down. Some people know what research used to mean to me. And since 2022, research has become a burden and not fun anymore. None of my team members know that I am pushing myself through and through for this project. (unless they found this)

I had a tough time in my new workplace. Not knowing my role and identity and miscommunications occurred that put me in a corner. And I started to feel like my 2019-2021 repeats again. But my father's words always get me back on my feet. 'the most important thing is only all that matters.' 

The moments that bind us to our decisions are not in how often we get lost in contemplation; neither are they in the kind of heart that we can commit to that something rather are in that first step that we initiate to get things done.

- Tendai Kasusu 

*** no-context writing

In my opinion, in any organisation, there should not be any role that's considered more significant than the others. So, no one in the organisation has the right to think that they are the most important people in the organisation. Let's take an analogy. If we believe that a car engine is more important than the other parts of a car, what's the point of the engine without the other parts? It cannot serve its purpose at all. What's the point of having an engine without a mechanism to start it? What's the point of starting the engine when it cannot do anything by itself? 

That is what an organisation is. Everyone has a significant role and workload. 

Non-working time 

In 2022, I hung out more with my family and friends. 

We went to Sibu, Mukah, and Miri to visit mom's siblings. I drove from Kuching-Miri-Kuching.  

I went camping and glamping with Shikin. I had lunch with Aimi. I played badminton with Shikin for a short while and took a break from it when my health worsened. I got better now, anyway.

I was infected with covid-19 once. 

My anemia worsened, and I started wearing that colored lip balm because people always said I looked pale. I diligently started my treatment again, and my condition improved significantly. I guess I still keep doing my best in everything.

Q3: An impactful professional journey

I had a great experience working in Q3. I experienced a downfall in my previous workplace. I had anxiety and was stressed out.

And Q3 healed me. Q3 helped me rebuild my self-esteem.  It was very comfortable working in a place where people don't know who I am and a place that values difference—no burdensome expectations. I am different; I have to admit it. I am uncomfortable with people, but my job was all about dealing with people who are our beneficiaries and stakeholders. It took me a lot of courage and effort to socialize. But my bosses were very understanding. Every time I needed to ask something from the stakeholders or delegate tasks to my colleagues, I thought very carefully about it. Will they be okay to do this? Am I being fair in delegating tasks? Am I making things hard for them? Is it ok to ask for this and that from them? Hence, my bosses sometimes had to intervene. Either my bosses were patient with me, or they had no choice. I'm not sure. But I really like my bosses. I will always be grateful to them.

When it comes to talent development, I believe that we should not limit one's capacity. Instead of seeing the limit to one's capacity, we should focus on the broad opportunity for growth since, by default, the opportunity for growth is always wider than one's current ability. In that sense, Q3's environment was somehow aligned with my belief. My experience in Q3 made me realize that the amount of knowledge we can learn is not necessarily relative to the amount of time we spent with the organisation / person. 

I don't regret my decision to leave, as it was for unavoidable and honorable reasons. I take it as a journey Allah set for me. I am grateful for that. I still miss my ex-bosses and colleagues there. And I miss that window where I screamed people's names for making things hard for me. 😂

Through this one fateful meeting

I learn to cherish each and every encounter

Even if the seasons change

Even if the times start to change

Even if the doors of the future have opened

We will move forward without changing

Thank you, Q3. It has been a great adventure. I've learned a lot.

Welcome, 33.

When job offers come to us without sending a job application, we are exposed to the risk of wanting to leave whenever things become hard at work. And it is obviously not good. I wish ayah is here to listen to my concerns and struggles. I miss ayah.

My current boss has been telling me to express myself more when I have been doing so. Usually, I won't talk at all. But nowadays, I express my frustration and disappointment to others.