Confession 2

I am thinking of giving up, everyday, nowadays.

Confession 1

I am having a hard time.

Abang

Terdetik hatiku untuk menulis tentang aku dan abangku. Secara spesifiknya abang keduaku.

Hubungan antara aku dan abangku yang sorang ni boleh dikatakan unik. Boleh aku katakan, jika ditulis dialog yang pernah wujud di antara kami seumur hidup ni, mungkin x penuh satu mukasurat A4, font Arial, saiz 18, spacing 1.5. Kami tak gaduh, dan aku tak benci dia. Tak tau la dia. Sebenarnya, aku pun ingin tahu kenapa dia tak bercakap denganku sepertimana dia berborak dengan abang2ku yang lain dan adikku. Apakah salahku? Or mungkin dia hanya tak berminat dengan hidup aku. Hahaha..😂😂😂

Daripada ketiga-tiga abangku, aku paling respek kat abang aku ni...walaupun hubungan kami ni macam stranger... or maybe stranger than stranger. Aku bercita-cita nak surpass abang aku ni. Tapi sampai sekarang, gagal...dan takkan berjaya. Agak2nya aku ni ada chance nak berjaya ke tak? Hmm. Makin aku kejar, makin jauh dia pergi. Rezeki dia.

Kami sekarang sama2 di UNIMAS, di Samarahan. Tapi tak tinggal sama la. Tapi kalau org lain, bila sorang tak dapat balik pasal kereta rosak, mesti balik sama2 kan? Ada yang memang setiap minggu carpool balik kampung. Nama pun adik-beradik kandung. Tambahan pula, harga minyak melambung tinggi. Tapi kami ni tak. Aku pernah sebulan tak balik pasal kereta tak servis lagi gara2 gaji tak masuk2. Aku punya homesick nangis nak balik, tapi aku tak juga minta tumpang abang aku. Kalau aku minta, dia tak kisah pun...aku tau. Tapi awkward gila rasanya tetiba nak call or whatsapp dia. Hahaha. Baru nak whatsapp. Imagine aku kena duduk dalam kereta dengan dia dari samarahan ni ke Telaga Air. Berdua. Wooo...gila awkward.

Aku pun selalu terfikir, mungkin dia tak suka aku macam dia suka adik aku. Or mungkin aku ni invisible bagi dia. Tapi takpa, itu wajar. Aku lacking too much. Not someone he can be proud of as a little sister.

Alhamdulillah. Minggu lepas, 19 Mac 2017, dia selamat bergelar suami kepada gadis pilihannya dengan satu lafaz. Aku tumpang hepi.

Agak2nya bang, ada x waktunya kelak kita jadi macam adik-beradik lain? I am sorry if i ever did something wrong, halalkan makan, minum, belanja yg kitak berik. Moga berbahagia dan sentiasa berjaya dalam limpahan rahmat dan barakah di dunia dan di akhirat.


-Lala

T-O-L

Assalamualaikum. Hi? Everyone. Today, i'm going to write a useless and meaningless post. So, for that, i apologize.

Some might have known that i am the forth children among the five. My older brothers has now all been married. Alhamdulillah. This few days, i've been thinking a lot. (I am quite a deep thinker). Being next in line, i feel that i should work harder to be responsible to most of our household matters now. Since all the older siblings are married, i understand that now, they need to divide their attention, love, and responsibility.

N now, it's my turn. I should be at least reliable.

But lately, nothing is going well in my life. Everyday nowadays, i've been feeling like calling a quit on everything. Career, study, love...everything is in a mess. So, i want to at least do well as a daughter and sister. My parent is getting older, weaker, & more sensitive. But i've done nothing to make them happy and feel at ease.

I really should get serious about my career now. Should find something else that would be helpful for me to be a reliable daughter. Yea, I really should.