2018: It's a wrap!

If I should live long,
Then perhaps the present days
May be dear to me,

Just as past time filled with grief

Comes quietly back in thought.

Another year passed.

2018 is a year full with challenges and changes.

Heartbreak.

Ayah left us last August, end of the month. 2 weeks before ayah left, we went to visit my mom's family in Sibu and Mukah. Thank you Allah for given me such a quality time to spend with my parents. Yea, we got to talk about everything....my study, my love relationship (which is none), my work, my future plan, etc. We (me and my siblings who're not staying at home due to our work) got a phone call by my mom at around 00:00 saying that my father was unconcious. I heard my mom cried hard as she talked with me, so, i kind of understood the situation. My housemate drove me back, immediately...really appreciate it. My 2nd and 3rd brother were already there when i reached home, and that gave me strength to accept the situation. Looking at them, i felt like 'we'll be fine, we should be fine...'..about the lost, and everything else. (My father was healthy and for us, it was an unexpected and a shocking event in our lives. Of course, we know very well that death has never been an unexpected situation for all of us.) Ayah and mak are our superheroes. All of our achievements (no matter how small or big), they are all due to Allah, and my parents.

I miss ayah...all the time. Semoga ayah ditempatkan dalam kalangan orang yg beriman dan beramal soleh. Amiin ya rabb.

*******

Curiosity lead to exploration that build up your knowledge. Thus, you learn to love The Creator, yourself, nature and people. And those who love, own the happiness.

Exploration

This year, similarly to the previous year, I've been sent to some other rural areas for research works. Got few projects in the urban areas as well. I went to communities that still practice barter system, the one that literally 'kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang'. I went to few dilapidated schools which are obviously unsafe. I saw a hunter slaughtering a big boar (this is a new experience for me). I got to know few sick peoples who can't get treatment from the hospital because they have no IC. Huhu~ Plus, the moment that I can't forget, when the young people gathered around me and talked about their aspirations, their concerns, and their hope for the younger generation to enjoy the same opportunity especially in education, despite living very far from the town. I got to teach in a workshop fully in English because there were international students attended the workshop. (This is new!)

I learned many things from the people, and I was able to share some knowledge to them. When asked about what I'm looking for in my work, it would be the opportunity to be useful to the society. I don't plan to change the society, I don't think i'm capable of doing that, but i wish to be part of something meaningful and useful. Having been to more than 20 communities, I learned the differences in each of their needs, apart from learning about the different cultures and beliefs.

*******

Life is full with uncertainty.

Study

After ayah left, i lost my motivation to study. I became unsure of everything. I started thinking that i should stop studying and focus on getting a job. But, ayah was hoping that i can get a PhD later on. Ayah always told me to pursue PhD after i get my masters degree. In the confusion, i decided to defer my study, to think more deeply about my future plan. Since then, my research was not progressed. I am not trying to make an excuse or blame the situation for not being able to complete my study as planned, but, for me, there are things that are more important than studying. To be frank, i'm still thinking of quitting.

This semester will end very soon, and i'll return as a student next semester. I really need to get myself back on my feet.

To achieve something, instead of waiting for good fortune or talent, one should put in endless efforts and must go through hardships. It ain't over 'til it's over. (Yogi Berra, 1973)

For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. (94:5-6)

*******

There's only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved.

Love

Despite being unprepared to be in a relationship with someone, I have the experience of being loved dearly by someone, and loving someone deeply. I am a person with an ancient thinking when it comes to a relationship. Meaning, being in a relationship must comes with the intention for marriage. That's why I keep my feeling unknown to that person. Plus, marriage is not in my to-do list yet. Some might say that i'm too serious. I still can't find any reason to get married, and even to get to know someone with the intention to get married. 

Yes, I do have someone I like. To be attracted to someone of the opposite gender is fitrah...so, I don't think much about it. Except the fact that I have only like him for all these years. Maybe there has yet anyone else that can make me feel the same way as I am towards him. Hope? Expectation? I don't count on them. I believe that even if i'm not going to end up with him, once it's time, i'll meet someone meant for me, and fall in love again.

In love, nothing exists between heart and heart.
Speech is born out of longing,
True description from the real feeling.
The one who feels, knows;
the one who explains, lies.
How can you describe the true form of Something
In whose presence you are blotted out?
And in whose being you still exist?
And who lives as a sign for your journey? (Rabia al-Basri)


So, that's it for 2018. I wonder how can I wrote these while my thesis is still pending. I'll consider this as me taking a break, or maybe a distraction. Sometimes, distraction is necessary. 😉

Research Design

Research design.

Mari mengenali jenis-jenis penyelidikan.

One of my besties said,
"Aku maok nyambong study, tapi aku xpande research."

Everything begin with 0 (zero), progressing based on the exploration of the knowledge.

To begin with, lets start with how to decide on the research that we want to do.
1. Based on your interest.
2. Based on your experience in the industry.
3. Based on your knowledge or expertise.
4. Based on the current issues.

In my personal opinion, it is important to do research on the topic we're interested in or which we have experience on. Because, we need to have fun in doing research. (This is just a personal opinion). Having knowledge about the topic will be very helpful and make ur research journey easier.

In deciding our research topic, it is very crucial for us to explore about the field in general 1st before we focus on one specific area that we want to study in the field. Yea, we must know the scope of our research. Make sure it's not too big, and please consider your timeframe as well. Don't do longitudinal research when u're doing masters with 2 years of study. After that, do some literature review, start with something very close to the scope of our research. For example, from the cases in malaysia, before looking in cases in east asia, then asia, and the world.

***Knowing the expert in the field can be very helpful in doing literature review.

Be specific of your statement of problem (research gap)- this is where people value the significant of your research.
Be specific of your limitation - explain your scope of research.
Define your terms precisely and make sure it reflect your research objective - help people to understand your research.

Then, decide your methodology. This should be based on your literature review as well.

So, let me introduce you the type of research in general.

In general, there are 3 types of research known as Fundamental Research, Applied Research, Action Research and .

Fundamental research (basic research) is QUALITATIVE in nature. It is explanatory and usually conducted to come up with new theories or method or model. In other words, it is inductive research. From these new findings, the quantitative research can be done to explore more about the theory or model, or to proof it.

Applied research and Action research are  QUANTITATIVE in nature. However, applied research is exploratory, and action research is descriptive.

Action research are evaluative, investigative, and analytical in nature, designed to diagnose problem or weaknesses. It is usually conducted to solve a particular problem and produce guidelines for best pratice. The process of conducting an action research includes gathering info (define & describe problem, as well as the participants), interprete & explain. Eg: analyse current intervention (Look at the areas of success, as well as the issues and problem with that particular intervention), and formulate solution to the problems.

Applied research on the other hand usually conducted to solve a problem, and focus more on the knowledge that can be useful in making decisions. It is more solution specific. It is deductive, in which it explores the suggested hypothesis.

Don't be afraid of starting something new. All we need in the journey is a never ending exploration. Makin banyak kita explore, makin bertambahlah knowledge kita, lalu semakin meningkatlah keyakinan diri kita. 

ISTIDRAJ: Kurniaan tanpa Nikmat

Syarah 75 (Al-Hikam): KURNIAAN YANG MENJADI ISTIDRAJ


Takutlah kamu terhadap kurniaan Allah S.W.T yang selalu kamu perolehi sedangkan kamu melanggar perintahNya, jangan sampai kurniaan itu semata-mata istidraj. (Syeikh Ibn 'Atha'illah as- Sakandari)


Firman Allah S.W.T dalam surah al-A'raf, ayat 182: 

Kami akan binasakan mereka perlahan-lahan dengan jalan yang mereka tidak sedar.


Istidraj: Kurniaan tanpa nikmat

Kurniaan yg membuatkan kita bertambah lalai dan derhaka kepada Allah. Lupa bahawa segala yang kita nikmati di dunia ni datangnya daripada Allah.


Bahayanya fikiran sebegini: 'Aku tak solat, tak berdoa pun rezeki tetap bertambah-tambah.' (contoh)

Apabila kelalaian dan kederhakaan mereka telah melampaui batas maka Allah s.w.t mendatangkan bala yang besar kepada mereka. Mereka adalah umpama orang yang diangkat ke tempat yang tinggi sambil mereka menganggap pengangkatan itu sebagai satu kemuliaan namun, setelah mereka berada di tempat yang tinggi itu mereka dicampakkan ke bawah. Kejatuhan yang demikian memberi kesakitan yang lebih kuat.


Firman Allah s.w.t dalam Surah al-An'aam ayat 44:

Kemudian apabila mereka melupakan apa yang telah diperingatkan mereka dengannya, Kami bukakan kepada mereka pintu-pintu segala kemewahan dan kesenangan, sehingga apabila mereka bergembira dan bersukaria dengan segala nikmat yang diberikan kepada mereka, Kami timpakan mereka secara mengejut (dengan bala bencana yang membinasakan), maka mereka pun berputus asa (dari mendapat sebarang pertolongan).



In a nutshell, 


1. Sentiasa berhati-hati agar kesenangan dan kemewahan tidak melalaikan kita lalu menjatuhkan kita ke dalam suasana istidraj.

2. Kurniaan Allah itu (rezeki) satu peringatan. Yang menjadikan hilangnya nikmat dalam kurniaan itu adalah kelalaian kita untuk bersyukur, lalu leka tenggelam dalam kesenangan yang disangkakan nikmat.

3. Sentiasa beringat bahawa Allah sentiasa bersama kita walau di mana kita berada. Justeru, setiap kali kita dikurniakan kesenangan itu, perkara pertama yang kita rasa adalah kesyukuran kepada Allah.


Wallahua'lam.



Sumber:

Terjemahan Al-Hikam: Pendekatan Pengabdian Pada Khaliq oleh Syeikh Ibn Atho'ilah as-Sakandary

Merendah diri-Tawadhuk-Modesty

Assalamualaikum, minna-san~

Di kesempatan kali ini, aku ingin berkongsi tentang tawadhuk atau merendah diri, or modesty berdasarkan Syarah Al-Hikam daripada Syeikh Ibn Atho'illah as-Sakandary dan Quick Grasp of Faith by Harun Yahya. 

Syeikh Ibn Atho'ilah as-Sakandary membincangkan tentang sifat tawadhukatau merendah diri ini dalam syarah ke 250-253.

250. Siapa yang merasa diri bertawadhuk, maka bererti ia benar-benar sombong, sebab tidak mungkin dia merasa tawadhuk kecuali kalau ia merasa besar/tinggi, kerana itu bila engkau menetapkan bahawa dirimu itu besar/tinggi, maka benar-benar engkau telah sombong (mutakabbir). Maka apabila engkau menetapkan dirimu bertawadhuk (merendah diri) yakni padahal engkau itu seorang besar dan tinggi, maka itu bererti engkau benar-benar telah sombong (mutakabbir).

251. Bukan orang yang tawadhuk itu, seorang yang bila bertawadhuk lalu merasa bahawa ia telah merendahkan dirinya, tetapi orang yang tawadhuk itu adalah yang bila berbuat sesuatu merasa diri belum layak mendapatkan kedudukan itu.

252. Hakikat tawadhuk (tawadhuk yang bersungguh-sungguhnya) ialah yang timbul kerana melihat/ memperhatikan kebesaran Allah, dan terbukanya sifat-sifat Allah. Tawadhuk dalam pendapat ahli tauhid, adalah kesombongan sebab siapa yang merasa dirinya ada kemuliaan dan kedudukan, maka perasaan yang demikian itulah kesombongan.

253. Tidak ada sesuatu yang dapat mengeluarkan (melepaskan) engkau daripada sifat kesombonganmu, kecuali jika engkau melihat sifat-sifat Allah.

On the other hand, Harun Yahya discussed about modesty in the 1st question of Quick Grasp of Faith 2.

1. What does modesty signify in believers? 

Modesty is mentioned in the Qur'an as an important attribute of believers. Allah, in His verses, commands believers to be modest. It is also related in Qur'anic verses that Allah does not love those who are haughty and boastful. Believers are those who are aware of the fact that Allah is the Creator and the only Lord of everything, and that it is He Who bestows His blessings on mankind. A believer is cognisant of his weakness before Allah, and therefore never displays an unjust arrogance. No matter how beautiful, how rich, how intelligent or how esteemed he may be, he does not boast of these things, because he knows that it is Allah Who grants them to him. For that reason his behaviour towards other believers is also modest. He does not try to emphasise his own abilities or good features; he expects the recompense for all he does only from Allah. 

Contrary to the arrogance of unbelievers, believers behave with a humility, which is also reflected in their appearance. The modesty of their manner is described in the following verse: 

The servants of the All-Merciful are those who walk lightly on the earth [i.e., with dignity but without arrogance] and, who, when the ignorant speak to them, say, "Peace". (Surat al-Furqan: 63) 

As a result of this attitude, Allah gives believers the glad tidings of Paradise: 

"… Your God is One God so submit to Him. Give good news to the humble-hearted." (Surat al-Hajj: 34)

Tricky, isn't it? 

Bila kita merasakan bahawa kita telah merendahkan diri atau being humble hanya kerana kita merendahkan perasaan tinggi diri (rasa bagus) atau merasa mulia, sebenarnya, itulah hakikat kesombongan dan itulah yang dimaksudkan dengan takabbur, sebagaimana sabda Rasulullah s.a.w yang bermaksud;

"Sombong itu adalah menolak kebenaran dan menghina orang lain."

Menghina orang lain, biarpun tidak secara zahir, disebabkan merasa diri tinggi atau mulia.

Selagi kita tidak memperhatikan dan ingat selalu kepada sifat ketuhanan, kebesaran dan kekuasaan Allah, selagi itulah kita merasa besar, dan bongkak. Selagi kita tidak melihat sifat kesempurnaan Allah, maka selagi itulah kita tidak mengakui kekurangan-kekurangan atau kehambaan diri kita kepada Allah. 

Lalu tanpa kita sedar, kita sebenarnya sedang takabbur. 

Jadi, kita perlu sentiasa ingat bahawa setiap kebaikan yang ada pada kita semuanya datangnya dari Allah. Malah kita ni pun adalah ciptaanNya. Jadi, adakah wajar bagi kita untuk bersikap sombong dengan apa yang kita miliki?

Sumber:

Terjemahan Al-Hikam: Pendekatan Pengabdian Pada Khaliq oleh Syeikh Ibn Atho'ilah as-Sakandary

Quick Grasp of Faith 2 by Harun Yahya. 

Blame

With all the better mediums like facebook, twitter, instagram, which has better visibility, some wonders why am i sticking to blogging. It's simple. There are only 2 types of people who read my blog.
1. Those who are interested in knowing about what has been going on in my life.
2. Random people.

***

When it seems too easy for me to say "i'm at fault or i'm sorry.", some said or maybe mad at me, "why are YOU sorry? How come it's so easy for you to say sorry when u're the least to blame?".

Hmm...blame, huh.

When things go wrong in our lives, it's easier to find someone/something else to blame instead of finding what went wrong in our actions or decisions. But guess what, everything that happen in our lives, depends on our own decision that leads to it. We hardly admit it. Unexpected things happen, yea, unexpectedly, but as long as we know that the most important thing is only all that matters, we'll be more rational. You keep on with those 'blame games', there's no ending to it. In the end, the relationship becomes sour, and everyone start going through it just end it, or wrap everything up and start a new thing with different people.

***

How am I doing nowadays?

Still studying and trying to be something or at least finding something that i want to do or to be but stil, nothing. I am still nothing.

My study?

My next presentation has been scheduled for this Wednesday, the Research Methodology presentation, which is supposed to be done before the proposal defense. In my case, there were changes here and there in the system, and, here i am, one of the victims of bureaucracy. It's not a big deal, though. For UNIMAS Master Degree by Research, we need to do 3 presentations and of course submit 1 dissertation of our theses, apart from the progress reports we need to submit every semester. 

Chronologically, we have to attend two-days Research Methodology courses in our 1st semester, then do the RM presentation to make sure that we understand research methodology. It plays a big role in determining the quality of our researches, after all. Then, within 6 months after registration, we have to get done with our proposal defense. This will determine the significance of our research, whether it's worthy or not, in a sense of filling the gap between the previous researches. After that, get our researches done, submit our theses, and wait for viva, the big wall that we need to climb before getting our degree. 

The only thing I can comment about the journey, 'I'm doing my best, as always.'

Impatience

In Harun Yahya's Quick Grasp of Faith 3,

66. Do such concepts as impatience and despair have a place in a believer’s life? 

Allah advises the faithful to be patient in times of difficulty, as follows:

O You who believe. Be steadfast, be supreme in steadfastness, be firm on the battlefield, and heed Allah so that hopefully you will be successful. (Surah Al `Imran, 200)

Allah advises believers to be steadfast when they face hardship. The believers use their intellect, as well as all material and spiritual means, and do their utmost to overcome  difficulties. In addition, knowing that hardships are special conditions that Allah creates to test them and that there is an absolute good hidden behind these events, they trust Allah,  for this is essential to their continued steadfastness. The believers’ explicit trust that Allah creates every event with absolute wisdom, and that He will remove these difficulties by answering their prayers, prevents them from experiencing despair, hopelessness, and similar negative feelings.

In "Say: ‘My servants, you who have transgressed against yourselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Truly Allah forgives all wrong actions. He is the Ever-Forgiving, the Most Merciful,’" (Surat az-Zumar, 53) Allah commands the believers not to despair of His mercy, no matter what happens.

*****

My life doesn't seems like it move forward since the day I graduated. So, I decided to further my study after 1 year doing carpentering job with my brother, and 1 and a half year working for my community. Unfortunately, as I started my postgraduate studies, the government did not give any sponsorship anymore for my field of study. It might seems like I do not have any problem with it, but actually, I have been struggling. Research expenses is not little. Plus, the fees. Having been through this, I occasionally lose my motivation. I thought about quitting so many times. In the environment where people mostly think about themselves, doesn't bother caring about others, I do think that life is unfair, sometimes. But then, in my heart, I know well that life is short to waste on grievance. I still believe that Allah has better plan for His servant.

Getting impatient and despair are not wrong. What makes it wrong is that we keep on living with those feeling. Without trying to get out from those situation.

Allah beri kita apa yang kita perlukan untuk hidup sebaiknya dan peringatan yang berterusan. Sesetengah orang dilimpahi dengan kekayaan, bersama kekurangan dalam hidup, seperti hidup berjauhan dari suami, belum diberikan zuriat, dan sebagainya. Kenapa? Allah beri sesuatu untuk kita bersyukur...dan dilambatkan sesuatu nikmat, untuk kita terus berdoa dan tidak lupa pada-Nya. Cuba saja Allah berikan segala kehendak kita, tidak mustahil kita lupa pada Allah, lalu lalai dan leka dengan dunia. Hasilnya, kebahagiaan yang kita hadapi di dunia menjadi punca kecelakaan kehidupan di akhirat.

 نعوذ بالله من ذلك.

Makanya, jangan berputus asa atas sesuatu yang belum kita kecapi, kerana Allah punya perancangan yang baik untuk kita. Aku menghadapi banyak kegagalan dalam hidup..dan di sepanjang perjalanan inilah aku mendidik rasa percaya kepada aturan Allah dan berfikiran positif. Setiap kali gagal atau bersedih, aku selalu pujuk diri sendiri, "mungkin usaha dan doa aku masih kurang, atau mungkin aku masih meragui rezeki Allah."

Dalam setiap langkah perjalanan kita di bumi Allah ini, Dia sertakan sebab untuk kita bersyukur dan berdoa memohon pertolongan-Nya.

Sekali lagi...

Satu pengharapan yang tidak pernah putus tu hanya dapat diraih jika disandarkan kepada YANG TIDAK MATI.


Wallahua'lam.

Dil, 00:17, 29012018

Takdir

Happy New Year, everyone...

Hidup ni kena percaya pada Qada' dan Qadar Allah. Tak la stress2 hidup tak tenang. Percaya kepada Qada' dan Qadar Allah tu merupakan Rukun iman yang ke-6. Tengok, nice kan ajaran Islam. Kalau kita ikut, insyaAllah, kita boleh merasa nikmat kebahagiaan.

Beriman atau percaya kepada qada dan qadar itu bermaksud percaya dengan sepenuh hati bahawa Allah telah menentukan segala sesuatu yang akan terjadi untuk mahluknya (qada dan qadar).

Setiap manusia telah diciptakan dengan ketentuan sejak azali lagi. Takdir ni ada 2 jenis, iaitu;

1.Takdir Muallaq

Takdir muallaq yaitu takdir yang masih dapat diubah dengan usaha atau ikhtiar. Contohnya, kalau nak berjaya, kena berusaha, nak kaya, kena bekerja. Dan juga jodoh pun perlu diusahakan. Allah takkan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum itu sehingga mereka mau mengubah nasib mereka sendiri. (Ar-Ra'd: 11)

2. Takdir Mubran

Takdir mubran yaitu takdir yang tidak dapat diubah. Contohnya, MATI. Syarat mati itu bukan sakit, tapi hidup.
Dengan beriman/ percaya kepada Qada' dan Qadar, kita akan lebih bersyukur kepada Allah, menjadi lebih dekat kepada-Nya, dan turut menjadikan kita orang yang sentiasa berusaha dan tidak berputus asa. Selain tu, kita akan mendapat ketenangan, jauh dari sifat sombong, dan sentiasa bersabar dan bertawakkal lepada Allah.

**********

Misc: Epilog Q

Ya. Sebelum ni aku pernah betul-betul suka dekat sorang insan bernama Wafdan. For many years. Suami aku ni adalah cinta keduaku, dan insyaAllah yg terakhir buatku.

Wafdan. Aku suka dia sejak di bangku sekolah, tapi aku mulai sedar yang aku betul2 serius mencintainya semasa aku buat degree. Kalau ditanya kenapa aku suka dia, aku pun tak tau. Nak kata hensem, sejujurnya, suami aku ni lagi hensem. Tambah comel dengan lesung pipit di pipi. Nak kata sebab dia sweet, memang tak la. Orang kata, cinta itu datang tiba-tiba. Unexpectedly, towards unexpected someone. Dan masa tu, Wafdan bagiku. Perasaanku tak pernah goyah. Ada saja jejaka yang ingin berkenalan dengan aku, tapi aku punya setia tu, sangatlah tak bertempat. Nak kata aku 'in a relationship dengan Wafdan', tak juga. Sehinggalah Shu@Lutfi jumpa ibu dan ayahku. Masa tu, aku tak boleh nak reject senang2. Aku sedar, perasaan bukan lagi sekadar saluran kebahagiaan, tapi dokumentari kehidupan.

Masa aku terima suami aku ni pun, perasaanku pada Wafdan masih bersisa. It has been years after all. Orang kata, kalau kita keep on doing certain things tu, boleh jadi habit. Mungkin itu yang terjadi padaku. Hatiku dah terbiasa mencintainya. Sehinggalah aku baca diari suamiku hari tu. Member aku pernah cakap, to be with someone who really loves you is better than being with someone you love. Dan untuk aku, that someone adalah my Mr. Right, Shu@Lutfi.

I love you, Shu. May Allah bless our marriage, till jannah. InsyaAllah.

#misc #epilogQ