I'm sorry, Prof.

Days passed, and not one went by without feeling that void. Other than my family, you are the only person who believed in me. You never doubted me, not even when you entrusted me with the responsibilities I held in the institution.

When I quit my job to focus on consulting, you invited me to join the institution. However, I declined, choosing instead to pursue my career in Selangor. After a few months, you reached out again, saying you needed me on your team. After much thought, and considering my family situation, I decided to return and join u here.  And now, you’re gone, leaving behind a long list of tasks to me. You always reminds me that all that matters is that you know me and how I work, and not to be bothered by other people's words.

I still regret distancing myself during your final weeks at the workplace. I never got the chance to apologize. All I can do now is help realize the things u want me to do for the institution, as best as I can within my role. I often feel inadequate, but I promise to work hard. It's harder now, without your guidance. Every day feels like a struggle, and work has never felt lonelier.

I ask myself daily—will I be okay? Am I doing things right? So much has changed since you left, and I can't pretend otherwise.

'Bringing in the technology is easy. But to manage the transformation requires strategies and ability to see things from the wider perspectives. That's where you came in. I am pretty sure that you will know what we need. Establish our IT ecosystem, and start the smart digital campus project.' Now, as the project moves forward, you’re no longer here to witness it. I can't help but blame myself for my shortcomings. Every time I complete the tasks you asked me to do, I feel sad and regret not having done them faster when you were here.

I’m sorry, Prof.

You showed me paths when I was lost,  

You let me speak, no matter the cost.  

Without judgment, without command,  

You patiently lent a guiding hand.  

I can't deny, it's clear to see,  

Your wisdom shaped the best of me.  

The words I held, kept deep and true,

I never spoke before I lost you.

I’m grateful still for all you gave,

Your lessons guide me, strong and brave.

Though you're gone, I feel it still,  

Your voice, your heart, your guiding will.  

So thank you, though you’ve moved on,  

In my heart, you’re never gone. 

***

Why am I still here?