Part 1: A void
I still enjoy studying. However, the more I studied, the more I became overwhelmed with the emptiness that I started to feel ever since ayah left. Ayah was a big supporter of my study journey. Once, he visited me in UNIMAS and told me to keep studying until I become tired of it because I am the only one of my siblings who enjoy studying. He used to sit beside me when I was studying. Sometimes, he bought some Coke & snacks for me.
Whenever I'm experiencing something interesting in my life, I miss ayah and the 'ayah, tauk x yah...' sessions I had with him. I don't talk much, so he used to look forward to my 'tauk x yahh..'. I talked about my workshops, I talked about the people I met during my field trip, the boar, the river, the foods I ate, the longhouses, the road, ferry, dolphin, my friends, and many other things.
Part 2: Dream?
The thing about doing research study is you get to learn from experts in the field, get some constructive criticism, open your mind to new ideas and limitless knowledge, and develop your research and analytical mind. And yes, I want to grow more as a researcher, but I don't want to teach. That's why I hardly find a suitable place for me. Because willingness and desire to be an excellent social & management researcher, have always been associated with the teaching profession. But I'm pretty sure that I am not good at teaching. I wonder, will I ever find my place someday?
Part 3: Change
I always believe that I'm the kind of person who just follows the flow in life. When I'm no longer appreciated, I leave. When I see a better opportunity to explore the world more, I take up the challenge. When I am not confident about being the kind of person people expect me to be, I run away from them before I become a disappointment. But maybe, all this while, I've been the one who creates the path for my life to flow.
I relocated to Selangor for my new job in November 2021. I wouldn't say that this is my 1st time working far from my family because I think I go home more frequently now as compared to when I was working in UNIMAS.
Being in an unfamiliar place, it took a while for me to adapt, especially to the environment and culture. My life here has been only about my apartment and workplace. And these two are in the same building. I still can't get used to the people around me. 😅
2021 is a year of change for me. I made a big decision for myself. I left a stable job. I published a research article for fun (not because of requirement), I unintentionally became a data scientist, I relocated and started to live alone.
Last but not least, there shouldn't be a difference between what we work for and what we live for. Both of them should lead to the same conclusion.
2021 was a year when I finally learned to align my beliefs with my motivation and dream.
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Being Wise
Wisdom doesn't always need to be relative to academic qualification or status in society.
My parents show us that being wise doesn't need academic certification, position in society or money. Instead, all it needs is the ability to see the good in others and know what matters the most.
Ayah showed us that sometimes we don't have to fight to prove that we're right. There are meaningless fights in life. It is just a matter of perspectives. There might be fights that we lose or ignore, but by doing that, we are winning. Arguments should be made to understand, not to show that we're right or to force our ideas onto others. I don't accept other people ideas blindly without asking and having arguments. That's how we understand each other, learn new things, and grow. So, do argue with an intention to understand, not to contradict.
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'The world changes drastically overnight. Those who can stand up to it are professionals with the right skills.'
I read this somewhere. Not sure where.
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