Kecewa~

Semalam p program temujanji bersama neXGen, forum 'Cinta dari Hati'. Antara ahli panelnya Prof Mohd Fadzil (TNC), Dr. Dian Patria (Motivator), n Ust Habiburrahman El-Shirazy (Novelis). Hebat kan ahli panel nya? Selama ni cuma baca novel tulisan ustaz, semalam jumpa dia secara real. Bicaranya dalam forum pun sedap didengar, menusuk ke hati. Ya...mungkin sebab ia masuk ke hati,aku jadi kecewa dengan diri. Aku tersedar banyak aku sudah lalai?? "Ya Allah, beri aku keteguhan hati untuk kembali istiqamah dalam mengenal agamaMu. Ampuni kelalaianku dan berikan aku petunjuk.."

I am suppose to write my assignment right now. It has been few days, but I still unable to write at least one page full. Though I do not bring too much worries home this time, I think going back home has given me worries. "What should I do?" "Is there really nothing that I can do?" I always think of that. Several times, I thought of giving up.  Too many things to think about. Sometimes, I press the keys on my phone, to let everything out to someone, but I end up deleting the SMS. I wonder, do I not believe in anyone?? There are 'them' who always there for me...my family, my 'besties'…

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Everyone,

Do u believe that every person has something that keep them going on in their lives? Something that make us believe. For me, it's the STAR. No matter whether we can see them in the sky or not, there are always there,isn't it? Though we can't see, in facts, there are always there. It is something that can make me think that they're always there.. The light...and hope…

There is someone I once consider like a star. He's not someone special..just someone in my memories...He's someone  I respect. From back then till today, perhaps, he always did his best in everything.. He has passion and determination. For some reason, when I saw him, I just thought of doing my best too, even though I don't really have anything I want to do or to be in the future, at that time. That's why, though it's tiring, and I hate being in the 'same group' as him, I enjoyed working with him. I know him only for his determination and passion…Nowadays, I can't see him anymore, but he's somewhere out there, doing his best for his life, I'm sure...

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P.R.I.D.E

Being proud of your work...take pride in your work..it's something I just understand recently. I'm not working yet, though.. As for me, as a student, I should take pride in my assignment and project. Not studying half-heartedly, but seriously and honestly..

Doing your best in what u have to do regardless of whether it is something u like or not. In the end, we'll feel great when things get done..

SATISFACTION...HAPPINESS...and the feeling of "YES! I DID IT!!"

Naratif 20: Kembali Refleksi

Hadirnya secebis rasa ingin mendalami ilmu keagamaan itu dari sekeping hati yang telah terhakis daripadanya setitik kegelapan biarpun sebesar zarah, lalu digantikan dengan rasa ingin tahu tentang kehidupan, siapa dirinya, dan siapa TuhanNya. Maka kenapa bertangguh? Kenapa ditimbulkan pelbagai persoalan berkisar keraguan sedangkan ia jelas adalah sesuatu yang baik? Jangan kau cipta alasan! Kerana alasan bisa menutup kembali ruang cahaya itu. Apa engkau tidak takut akan kegelapan?? Kegelapan hati malahan...Percayalah, itu adalah peluang yang Allah cipta untukmu, maka terimalah ia dan berilah peluang kepada dirimu untuk menuju ke ruang cahaya, terus ke jalan bahagia. Jangan berpaling! Sesungguhnya yang menentukan letaknya garisan di antara cahaya dan kegelapan pada hati manusia itu adalah tuan punya hati. Apakah ingin dibiarkan kegelapan bersemadi di hati, atau mahu dibukakan ruang cahaya sehingga hati itu menjadi hati yang bersinar dengan iman dan taqwa kepada Allah…

Diari Intishar, Julai, 11, 2012

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from layoutsparks.com

Aku rindu pada langit malam yang dihiasi bintang...

Emosi menelusuri dingin malam yang sepi. Dalam gelap kamar sunyi, kedengaran hanya desiran angin kipas di siling. Entah kenapa hatinya begitu sedih, sakit. Kesakitan yang membuatkan air matanya jatuh ke pipi. Jantungnya berdegup kencang dek marah pada diri sendiri. Tangan digenggam erat, tak ingin terbawa  api kemarahan, tak ingin air mata terus jatuh..ego, pada diri...

Hati terasa terbeban, entah kenapa..terasa seperti kehilangan sesuatu yang amat bernilai dalam diri, namun tak dia ketahui. Rasa yang sukar sekali ditafsir, namun menyeksa pemilik hati.

Bangun dari pembaringan, duduk di tepi tingkap kamar yang sunyi. Memandang ke langit yang gelap tanpa sebutir bintang menghiasi. Sudah lama tidak merefleksi diri. Sudah lama tak menjengah hati sendiri. Apakah kealpaan mulai membelenggu diri??

"Ya Allah, ku damba petunjukMu, dalam pencarianku.."

Bisiknya dalam kepekatan malam. Keluhan dilepaskan…

"what've I been doing all this time??!"

Jerit sang hati, marah..kecewa pada diri..

Terus termenung, melayan emosi, tangisan hati yang hanya didengari diri, dan PenciptaNya...