For you...

.أَلَا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ

Verily, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.

(Ar-Ra'd 13:28)

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Things happen in life unexpectedly, sometimes. And when something goes wrong, we try to find someone to blame. Just as I did before. For 2 years now, I've been through a fall. There's no supporter, so I went through those moments alone.

There's no one to be blamed, it's all because that one thing I can't do..or hardly do. That is, asking for help. I don't know why, but it's not easy to ask for help, even just asking people to at least listen to my worries. Since other people can't scan what's inside my heart and mind, of course I make it harder for people to understand me. Especially people who just knew me. 

Unlike my high school besties, they can't understand me just by looking at my expression, my quietness, and my temporary change of behaviour. My besties, they know when i had a hard time just by looking at my quietness and behaviour. It's so unfair for me to wish that other people can understand me that way to.

I had an argument, with one of my precious friend, someone I cared about all the time back then. From that argument, I started to distance myself from other people and choose to be alone all the time. Since I lost all my self-confidence because of that, I started to blame her for this change. I thought only for myself. 

Today, after reading her explanation and explain for myself, I find it stupid to think about it. I lie down and think deeply, and fell asleep. When I woke up, I said to myself, "U're stupid. What's wrong with apologizing even if u had gone through those hellish moments? What's so important about the explanation? Just ignore it and move forward. For yourself...for something u believe in.."

So, it was wrong of me. I'm sorry for everything. We should end this. I need to find a way of return. I need to let myself free of all these craps. So that I can lift up the pause button, and move forward. 

Thanks, Kak Baya..
Hati memang Allah yang pegang...tp kita sendiri yg didik..nk bawa ke ceruk mana, we choose..

May Allah bless you always.