Rambling

Assalamualaikum.

Hi everyone. I'm now 27 years old. 27 years old on 27th April 2017. Sounds good... People said, woman around my age don't really like talking about age. But i'm one of those who do not care about it. As i grow older, i feel grateful. Being someone with a bad health, i'm really grateful to live another day in my life.

How are you? I hope everyone is fine and doing  your best to make everyday in your life the best day. As i'm always trying to.

Are you having a hard time? I don't think i'm the right person to respond to that situation. This few months, i too, having quite a hard time...by myself. Even so, if u're having a hard time, i hope you can talk to someone about it. Especially your family. Your family would want you to talk and rely on them. As for me, i endured well. Healed myself. I am not expressive about my own feeling after all. I distract myself with working, teaching, and studying. When i tried to talk with someone, i always ended up listening. Maybe that's why, it become harder to talk about myself with anyone. It's good though...i can at least be of help to someone. 😀

To achieve something, instead of waiting for good fortune or talent, one should put in endless efforts and must go through hardships. It ain't over 'til it's over.

Once, in a motivational talk, I talk about CHANGE. With just a small change in our perspective/ way of thinking, we can gain a bit more confidence and motivation. It can change our lives. I too, have so many weakness. I am introvert. I'm uncomfortable with crowds. I'm scared of many things. One thing that makes me feel better despite those weaknesses is, it makes me realize that i have people who understand me. People who will stand beside me unconditionally. Someone who would offer to help and cheer me when i need to be in crowds and talk in front of many people. Someone who didn't feel bad about me rejecting their phone call. Someone who patiently sit with me and bear with my silence and try to make me talk without forcing me. Even with all those weaknesses, I live with gratefulness. They are the strength Allah gives me to help me with my weaknesses.

For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.

Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. 

Surah Al-Insyirah, 5- 6

So what if u have a weakness? Or more than one. We can try to change. If it's too hard, it's fine not to change. We can just learn how to cope in those situations. I remember my 1st talk with the community. I held the microphone with both hands. The kids who sat in front of me asked:

"Kak, ktk mok belagu ka?" (Are u going to sing?)

I smiled.

The next time it happen, i responded,

"Aok..ktk mok request lagu pa?" (Yea, what song do u want to request?) and the crowds laughed.

Until today, i am still uncomfortable and nervous in crowds. It's a situation that i will avoid as long as i can. But if it's unavoidable, i'll just go through it. Being responsible is more important than being comfortable.

You want to live an easy life? Then, don't expect anything. Don't do anything. Every expectation comes with hardwork. Hopes or wishes come with effort. Dream or ambition comes with determination and diligence.

What's important isn't trying not to trip/ fall, but how quickly u can get back up.

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About my study....

In fact, deep inside my heart, i'm giving up. But i know that i shouldn't actually give up...for my parents and my supervisor. So, i'll just walk through the path. It's quite hard though. I feel like throwing up everytime i study and do my research. I'll just endure and end this properly.

I can't clearly see the path ahead me.
Unsure of what's tomorrow will have waiting for me.

In life, a refresh is essential.
Indeed.

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Sulaman rindu pada hati yang meraih cinta Pencipta
Bisikan redha demi mengejar sebuah halawatul iman
Cipta grafiti cinta berseni hakiki penuh makna
Indah terlakar dalam tiupan ketenangan

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Aku mengukir makna dalam tarian tinta
Memanggil inspirasi dalam grafiti cinta
Memadam khayalan kaburi aspirasi hati
Mengamati ritma hidup, bermeditasi.

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Since when did our path become so parallel that it seems like it'll never crossed each other. I tried as much as I can, but it's hard to express my feeling. I hesitated, many times. A decade passed, and I'm still filled with both love and hesitation. I never expect that 'I love u' is such a hard word to say.

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Signifikankah aku di hatimu?

I wonder, would my feeling ended up being like a tennis tournament. Coz in tennis, 'love' is 0 (zero).