09 October 2016

Misc~ Final

Assalamualaikum.

Hi Everyone!

She knows what's waiting tomorrow, but somehow she resists to think about it. 


Smile, so happiness will come
Smile, so love will come into my arms
Take action, don't hold back
Even if it's just a small step every day
Even if it's a slow pace
IT'S OK!


I am currently living in the same house as my junior. The form 1 junior when I was in form 5. Guess what? She's currently doing her master degree, about the same time as me. Really happy to see them grown up successfully (did I just sounded like an elderly person?). I didn't really involved myself with the junior back then. U know there is this tradition in boarding school...when a junior did something wrong, all of them will be gathered by the senior before light off to be lectured...giving advises, teaching them to respect seniors and showing juniors the senior's authority? Something like that. I never involved myself in those things. The words they used usually harsh. Having a somewhat popular brother in the same school made me (as a junior) became a target..somehow... And protected, on the other hand.

*****************

My master research has not been progressive lately due to the workload. I have all kind of ideas and material gathered in my phone (I keep my mind thinking about my research while driving, eating, and resting), but haven't got time yet to write them properly.


Happiness built on always holding back can't exist.
So, occasionally it's ok to be selfish. Be truthful to yourself.

So I said, but it's really hard to be selfish, huh.


Maybe it’ll always be hard to live each day
As we shiver from the loss of warmth
Even so, I rush towards happiness (or maybe rushing is bad?) regardless of the perils
Supported by holding tightly onto courage during the hardships of life
Changing the expression in my eyes
May this journey can be completed smoothly
with the best version of myself...insyaAllah.

****************************************

"Aku terima nikahnya, Qaisara Nadia Binti Nasruddin dengan mas kahwin 80 ringgit tunai."

Lafaz akad yang baru selesai bersambut doa oleh para tetamu yang hadir. Tanpa sedar, air matanya mengalir, gembira dan bersyukur atas nikmat kebahagiaan yang Allah berikan. Hari itu genap 9 tahun sejak kali terakhir dia bersua dengan Lutfi, dan kini, dia selamat bergelar isteri kepada Lutfi. Segala persiapan perkahwinan diuruskan oleh keluarga masing-masing. Kedua-duanya sibuk dengan kerja dan outstation. 

6 bulan yang lepas.

"Kenapa 22 April?" Tanya Qaisara.
"Sebab 22 April adalah tarikh terakhir kita berjumpa dulu. Dan kebetulan hari Jumaat." Jawab Lutfi di hujung talian.
"Waaa...ingat.." Ujar Q.
"Sebab saya tulis tarikh kan di bawah setiap lukisan tu. Hari tu saya ada lukis lagi 1, tapi saya koyakkan dan simpan. Tahun lepas Atie jumpa dalam buku saya." Panjang lebar Lutfi menjelaskan.
"Ooo..."

Selesai majlis, keduanya duduk bersebelahan. Diam. Kekok. 

Jam menunjukkan pukul 4:30 petang.

"Jom solat." Lutfi bersuara memecah sepi di antara mereka.

Mereka kemudiannya bersiap untuk solat berjemaah bersama buat pertama kalinya. Usai solat, Q mencium tangan Lutfi. 

"Terima kasih." Rendah suaranya.
"Terima kasih, sayang." Jawab Lutfi.

Q tunduk. Muka terasa panas. 

'I already have someone I like.' Antara setia VS malas nak tambah perkara baru utk difikirkan.

Bothersome? Bagi Q, itu perkataan paling sesuai.
'You're a good muslimah. Wait for me until i'm prepared.'
Apa kaitannya? Tanpa sedar, dia sedang berfikir tentangnya. Tanpa sedar, hatinya sedikit digamit rasa. 'Menantikah aku? Aku just don't care, don't bother, kot..'

'Aku ni dah kenapa?'.

Tinggal memori.


*********************************************

I'll paint the way I like, a world with no outline. And I'll always be knocking on tomorrow, as long as I'm alive.

😉

When my heart is giving in
When my heart is aching in pain
Just put on smile
And let that hope find me, with open arms
There may be stumbles
But those aren't failures
Just brush off the dirt, don't cry
Just stand up again
And sprint forward
All of this will only makes me grow even stronger


p/s 
Sorry about the mixed theme/entry...I'm not sure when will I have time to write here again.

02 October 2016

My bestfriend is getting MARRIED!

Assalamualaikum.

Hello everyone, again.

My bestfriend is getting married! I was shocked for a second there, when she broke the news. 

To Herniza,

Barakallah. Tahniah. Moga dipermudahkan segala urusan. All the best!

Let's reminiscing a bit.

Kalau tak silap, 1st time kita jumpa masa gotong-royong surau KML. Jujurnya la, actually masa tu I was kinda forced to be there by one of the alumni. Aku tak rasa aku patut berada di situ…dengan ramai stranger nya. Ko org pertama menyapa aku. U're that kind. Then, kita berkenalan la. Kita banyak bercerita, sampai la kita dapat tau kita ada masalah kesihatan yang sama. Jadi lebih rapat pula. Then, ko decide nak berenti matrik dan pindah masuk poli. Sedih gila kot. Tapi aku sokong ja keputusanmu. Walaupun berat rasa hati. Menangis aku tau x...teruk juga aku menangis masa tu. Di surau hari last ko di KML aku buat cool ja...sampai ada yang cakap aku ni xda perasaan. Ada yang cakap, "sampai hati ila.."..yala, mungkin sebab diorg selalu nampak kita sama2. 

Because of u, aku kenal and kamceng juga la dengan si Eqa, pengganti tempat mu utk AJK surau tu. Ko suruh aku tolong2 dia.

Aku ingat juga satu hari tu kita ditegur sebab nakal di surau. Tapi x ingat dah apa kita buat masa tu. Selain tu, ada ni sorg muslimah yg aku admire. Siap minta bergambar lagi dengan dia. Hahaha…apa tu..a kind of muslimah that I can never be like? Haha…apa khabar agaknya Si Hazar tu. (Hazar, kalo kmu terjumpa entry ni, maaf tau, ni bukan mengumpat. Memang dulu saya admire kamu…)

Masa aku stay KK dengan Kak Lin, aku ajak kak Lin jumpa ko. Pastu tak tau nak cakap pasal apa. Kekok sebab lama tak jumpa. Macam kena ice-breaking balik. Tu kan last kita jumpa. Huu~. Pastu selalu juga la contact. Cuma x lama lepas tu kita lost contact. Lama juga lost contact, aku cari ko di FB. Then contact balik. Aku ja kan yang mencari...Ni tup2 aku wasap ko, ko bagitau yang ko nak kawen dah. 

Aku tak pasti lagi sama da aku dapat hadir majlismu. InsyaAllah aku usahakan. Aku takda di sampingmu masa ko hadapi saat sukar dulu. Aku harap di hari bahagiamu, aku dapatla hadir. Aku hanya merancang, Allah juga yang menentukan.

I'm really happy for u.

Oh yea..

Kepada Encik Suami Herniza, thank you. Please take good care of her. Yoroshiku ne~

Aku? No rush. Still enjoy being single.

Aku tak ramai kawan...bukanla antisocial..it's just that I  can hardly open myself to other people. Di KML, selain kwn 1 sekolah & roomate ku yg nakal dan lucu tu, aku cuma rapat dengan herniza & Eqa. Although diorg ajak lepak dengan yang lain, aku xdpt nak open myself to them. Bukan memilih kawan, tp it's a psychological matter. So, i'm really thankful for ever meet her. Thank you very much for being friends with me even though I am lacking too much.